got up in the a.m. today....

i feel like i can't see any of my 20 year old self in old pictures of me. then i was all dark hair, dark eyes, no freckles. except the poorly cut bangs... haha i guess that's one feature i've held on to.

baked on the side of caitlin's pool for a few hours today... hot as hell and grew some more spots on my face!

i'm getting more info about helping my professor research his history of washington d.c. i'd fact check, help edit as he drafts his manuscript, read articles and suggest additions and deletions... and work from his home office. i bet he lives in a saratoga mansion and i bet his wife wears reeeeeally expensive reading glasses. i almost want to take the job just to see his fucking house haha. i also found out he won an emmy and a peabody for a tv documentary he made.

both of the professors i talked to said at one point that they were "smiling to themselves" because i remind them of themselves at some point or other in their lives. weird. i can't imagine saying that to some disgruntled student 30 years from now as i reminisce about this summer... actually yeah i can kind of imagine that. eeew being 50

so yeah, i'm thinking about being young, i'm thinking about being old, i'm thinking about breakfast for tomorrow, i'm thinking about boyzzz, i'm having an excruciatingly hard time thinking about now. i can't even read a damn book!! last summer i was confused and figuring shit out, but in a focused, exciting way that allowed me to put myself into books and other people's stories and problems and situations. at this point i seriously cannot read ONE PAGE of a book because my mind starts drifting to the million things i need to figure the fuck out. sometimes i can't even listen to my best friends talk about shit just as important as my own because i just can't pull myself out of my own head. never happened to me before.. i don't like it.

but i think i'm going back to school in the fall. please don't fuck me up again, skidmore. i'm gonna try my fucking hardest not to hate you anymore.



<3<3<3 ...........






ugh this is gonna be so hard hahahaha