today at 5:30 a.m... i was driving to turkey hill to buy a newspaper... after reading the police blotter i threw out the paper and drove home. what the fuck is happening.
i e-mailed an english professor to ask for advice about taking a semester off from skidmore... or transferring... or being a part-time student... or doing something to make me feel like a real person again. he brought up family issues that i wrote about in my ~memoir~ for his class... i've never gaped at a computer screen for as long as i did when i read his version of my mom and dad. then he apologized hahaha
i also had a phone chat with my advisor, who seriously cannot be human... she's too evolved. most intuitive, articulate robot ever.
this has probably been the worst summer ever. i've been completely incapable of living in the moment because i've had so many shitty decisions to make. and i hate deciding things.
this summer would've been better if
- i had more realistic hopes of how shit would go down
- everyone good had endless supplies of money and time
- people knew how to communicate what they want, even if it changes.... so that i can figure out what the fuck i want haha
- i had a firmer, independent grasp on what i wanted and didn't question it
- more live music
- more jess, nikki, bobby in my life
- the world was full of genuine, fun, honestly interesting people hahahaha
i just got a call from yellowstone national park. his voice cut out before i heard nearly enough of what i need to hear. surprise, surprise.
why not
15 years ago
4 comments:
I agree with most of your my summer would be better if....and i love how i think about that as summer is ending.
no kidding...it's all just hitting me now. but most of it probably couldn't have been changed even if i acknowledged it sooner, but that doesn't really make me feel better haha
Of course not. nothing is ever ok
My summer would've been better if I spent more time with you.
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